Children are like Kites

Well tomorrow is officially the last day of school & both girls are super excited. Lots of fun stuff planned for the summer & we can't wait. We have lots of day trips planned, a road trip to Nova Scotia, weekend getaways alot of good times to be had this summer. Afterall, both girls will be in school next year!  I think we may even take the good ole tent out and pitch her up at a local provincial park! The kids love that sort of thing, me not so much but anything for my monkeys.

On Graduation Day the Principal said a beautiful little poem that I thought I would share with all my fellow Blog Followers with Children of their own, who are finishing up another year of school and getting ready for new beginnings come Fall.  It is certainly very true and brought alot of tears to my eyes as we move on to new beginnings in our own home, especially with my last baby starting her first year! This poem pulled on my heart strings, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did & do!

You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground.
You run with them until you're both breathless.
They crash.
They hit the rooftop.
You patch and comfort, adjust and teach them.
Finally, they are airborne;
They need more string and you keep letting it out.
But with each twist of the ball of twine,
there is a sadness that goes with joy.
The kite becomes more distant,
and you know it won't be long
before that beautiful creature will snap the lifeline that binds you two together
and will soar as it is meant to soar, free and alone.
Only then do you know that you did your job.

Crossroads

Well it is Sunday morning and low an behold what day comes next, MONDAY! Back to the grind it is,  woo hoo. Belle's last day of school is Wednesday and she is super excited to get the summer off 2 months of fun & possibly sleeping in how awesome is that. I miss those days! But as the last day of school approaches, I am finding myself questioning alot of things & where do I go from here. Laila will start school in the fall part-time and Isabelle will be full-time, which is going to leave me 2 to 3 days a week with no kids. It has been made quite clear that I will not just be sitting at home doing "Nothing", apparently the household chores and stuff of that nature all got done on it' own right? I was not just home taking care of kids, I ran the household ship & made sure everyone was happy & fed & cleaned that stuff still needs to be done!

I will have been home with the kids full-time for 6 and half years and during that time I have feel as though I lost myself. Between being a Mother, Wife, Nurse, Event Coordinator, Trainer, Teacher, Chef, Baker, Dry Cleaner, Maid, Hostess, Referee, Entertainer, etc you loose what is most important & that is yourself! You quickly forget how & what it is you need or liked or were once interested in.  The things that I once enjoyed don't seem to be interesting anymore. I have put all my time, energy and heart & soul into the well-being of my family that suddenly you don't matter anymore & finding what it is that I enjoy is even harder. I have given up so much all for the purpose of family & I don't in way have any regrets of that, but I do need to soul search. I need to find me again, where did I go? Some people will either get it or not get it... And I really don't care if people really don't begin to understand it.

So now as September quickly approaches it is time to start thinking about what I want to do & where I want to go, but I have been told that I should have thought about this stuff way back then, not now!! But who has time to think about what you are going to do in 5 years when you are making meals, cleaning up after meals for a family of 4, changing beds & diapers, doing mountains of laundry & putting it away, playing & have the life sucked right out of you day in a day out? What is that I enjoy or want to do? Hmm,  I don't know?  Jump off a bridge, or do "mindless stuff" take time for me!! Maybe at the end of every term when the mother is ready to go back to work, maybe the Government should send her away on a nice friggin vacation to take a break, relax & unwhnyed.. Wouldn't that not be nice, god everyone on assistance gets a friggin gravy train ride by the Government, why not actually give back to the people that actually deserve it.. But we won't go there, that is an entirely different Blog Topic... LMAO
I have tossed a few things around, but because of my being submerged in "Kids" and "Family", I don't feel that I have the self-confidence to go out and tackle them, I guess it is a fear of rejection, it is easy for people to say you will be great at it, but when you struggle with it yourself then it is hard. Applying for jobs after being home for 6 years is not an easy one to do you don't realize at how much things have changed, people are not just going to hire you because you gave up your career to be at home with your kids, that does not give you a Mother of Century award & allow to you just walk in to every job you apply for. Employers don't just say "Hey she must be one hell of a person to do that, some people just don't get it. I have said this many time & will say it again, you don't truly know about something until you are in the that situation yourself.. It is so easy for everyone to say how it easy it is, but you have no clue. Every person is different there is no 2 people alike!

So I am finding that I have hit a Crossroads with job, family & most of all me. You can't have it all, you really can't. Do I want big and great things, goodness no, but I do know one thing is forsure, I just want to be comfortable! Copious amounts of money and things don't make you happy. I just want to be in a happy place, I want to be & feel grounded with no pressures in life. I want to feel at ease & finally feel happy within me! Money can never buy Happiness, the richest people in the world are miserable & their kids feel it. Money changes people! Sometimes things can be so complicated it is frustrating what happen to the simple days?

Then it goes back to the question, Do I want a Career again? Do I want to go back into Insurance? I don't know!  I don't think so, I don't want to be one of those parents that does not want to come home after a long day at the office and not be able to deal with the kids after being in the door 10mins, I have scene it happen ALOT & it is quite scary actually ~ I want to be home for dinner every night with my kids, I want to help them with their homework, I don't want to pay someone else to watch my kids,  I don't want to travel for work, I don't want them to not have a parent at home at the end of a long day,  I don't want to miss school trips, I don't want to let them feel as though they are alone at the end of the day. But at the same time.It is hard and when you have been home with them for so long it is truly hard to just let go! Mothers find it hard to let go of things only being home after 1 year, imagine almost more on top of that. I have mentioned going in to retail for a bit but that is apparent not good enough? I am selling myself short~ But going into retail provides all that I want with even more flexibility! I tell them I am available 2 to 3 days a week between the hours of 9:30-3, I am making money not a lot but more then I was being home for 6 years, I am avail when the kids need me, I am there when they get home, no one is watching them, no one is going to give a rats ass if I have been off work for 6years, they don't care & I will get some ME time back! It seems like a win win, besides I really love shopping & clothes so hey! LMAO. If I could find an office job that would accomidate my wants then it would be perfect, but the likely hood of that is slim to none! Then it boils down to, only having 1 car, If I go back to work in the fall I will need a vehicle! Taking the bus here is just not an option with 2 kids in school. I can picture it now, I get a call at work because one of the kids is sick, how on the earth to do leave early & on time to pick them up on a fucking BUS!! Like really...

This being at a Crossroads with everything in my life is crazy & frustrating. These are the things I am feeling & wondering about, what to do & where to go? I need to find me & how does one go about doing it? I wish I had the answers & I wish I knew what lies ahead but I don't nor does anyone else!

Business Trip

Well in a few weeks hubby is off on a business trip for a week. Destination: Hong Kong! Leapin lizards. He seems pretty excited, it is a new experience in a different country & not the US so he is looking forward to it. Me on the other hand.. Hmm not so much. He will be missed that is for sure, but I think it will be alot harder on me with the kids being so busy all the time! It is always nice come 5pm to know that the end of the day is here and Daddy will be home for me to punch out after a long day with the little ones. We usually catch up in the evening about how our days went and sip a glass of something whether it is water or wine and just relax and unwind. But somehow I feel this week he is away will be a little different, is it acceptable to drink by yourself?? LOL Someone told me it is okay, just don't do Cheers!

Isabelle will have started in to the Summer Break and will be up at the crack of stupid, she will tease & torment excuse my language the shit out of Laila. In which it will make Laila whyne and cry like a baby, there will be total bickering back and forth about how "She did this" and "She did that".... Laila now being 4 has brought on a new personality with a boat load of drama so this should make for a very interesting week, she has certainly become a handful....Girls are such a joy!! LMAO
On any given day at our place when the girls act up, I can make one quick call to Daddy for him to put them back into the real world, I can't threaten to call daddy now because he will be on the other side of the globe! But hey, maybe they will surprise me, I am sure they will be fine! They are usually good girls I really can't complain.
This will be very hard on them as he has not been away since they were little. He was away for Laila's first birthday on a Conference in Vegas & that has been in it since then. So this time might be alittle more crazy!! They love their Daddy with all their heart so when he is away at work they always ask "When is Daddy coming home" but now they need to wait a week for his arrival.

I am alittle jealous that he gets to go, I probably could have gone but I am not a huge traveller on a 16hour flight in a very foreign country. Tom is a very adventurous person, me not so much! I always tell him you have it so easy when you travel even if it is for Business.. You have a hotel to yourself, eat what & where you want, when you want. Lay pool side when not busy, shop when not busy. Sleep early if you want. It may not be enjoyable when you are in a conference or working, but for the most part it is away time & alone time!! It is a change of scenery & a change from the same monotonous stuff that I do daily.

I swear it is so much easier when they are babies, I miss those days..  Things ran so smooth, they ate, slept and played.. Now they fight, scream, argue everything, know everything, don't share & irritate the crapola out of you. But they give the BEST HUGS & KISSES & when they really really want too they say the sweetest things. The girls & ! are researching some of the neat little treasures we would like to have brought back for us. The girls are a definite have to bring back a Snow globe each (They collect them for all over), it is the glass ones too so "Daddy needs to be extra Fragile" with those! I mentioned a cute Chinese dress ( Hmm I wonder what my size would be) and maybe some slippers! I would really love a "Coach" purse but told him to make sure it said "Coach" and not "Couch".. LMAO as Hong Kong is known for their knock offs.  I probably could just get one here, but you know when they hubby asks what you want while I am away, you gotta go big because they feel bad about leaving you alone at home with 2 kids, so make it count & it is not something that I would just run out and buy here for myself.. LOL  I thought of him also stock piling up on the liquor for our growing cabinet! I would also like a really nice tea set & maybe I can see if they have some cute little Chinese food plates for the kids there to match our chopsticks! He is allowed 3 bags so lets fill them up!! LOL

At the end of the day, we will be fine. We will break the week up and make it fun, go places and do stuff. We will miss him lots and look forward to his safe return. We can probably even skype a few times if he is not too busy working! It is good for us all. I think from time to time we all need it, to re group and re focus.. We he gets to re-focus and I get to haa, I don't know!  I think I might plan a weekend away to Vegas? LMAO ALONE! Yeah right, cause you would get me on a plane for 5 hours by myself right.. LOL

Lots on the go!

Sorry my friends that I have not blogged in a while, things have been alittle crazy & I have felt alittle run off my feet.

Since I wrote last we have done alot of things, it is crazy at how busy June as been for us. Since our Sicks Kids followup we have heard nothing regarding Belle's blood work so no news is a good news, they told us if there is anything they would call.. So that is good!
We attended an Annual ALS walk in Georgetown for a local GP & dear friend who was diagnosed 4 years ago which has been really sad as he is such a wonderful man & so is his family. It was great to see him & talk with him and to Thank him again as I will do forever,  as he brought my beautiful darlings into this world.  The turn out was amazing as always but the weather was really crappy and the walk ended up being cancelled.  We were able to spend time with some really good friends that weekend which was a really nice thing as we had not seen them for ages! Note to self, can't go long periods without seeing good friends.....

We had a lovely neighbour dinner in our "Backyards" which so great, lots of yummy food and great adult conversation. Can't wait till July's dinner these dinners are going to be so looked forward too. I am not sure what we are going to do in the winter months??  The next day after going to bed from that meal at 2:30am we made the trek to Niagara Falls where ate lunch at the Mandarin (  for those that know me, I have a thing with food under lights, just not seem very hygienic to me).. Then we ventured to the falls for the kids to take do the Ferris Wheel & a museum & spend some time with GGma as it was her birthday which is why we went our there in the first place.. She was super excited to see them as she always is, they bring such joy to her. She had a great time as did we, but we were exhausted when we headed home.


Laila turned 4 last week which was bittersweet, so we move from the "Terrible 3's" to the "Fearsome 4's" so I have been told.. Urgh, since she has turned 4 only a week ago man o man the ears are in complete shut off mode and the attitude is overwhelming.. I am really not looking forward to her 13th birthday...  But she is still super cute and such a cuddle bug~ She seems so grown up and since turning 4 she is looking forward to attending school this fall & I must say so am I... She is getting so bored being at home & I am running out of ideas to keep her entertained. To celebrate Laila's 4th birthday mommy put alot of time and energy into planning a party as I always do! I made the cake & all the food, planned a fun time for her & her friends.  Cake & Food are usually an out sourced thing so this time this party was a huge undertaking, I even made the Pinata!  We hired Monkeynastics that we purchased as a WagJag deal for 69.99 that was originally 198.99 and well that was crap let's just say we got our "WagJag" worth! LOL  I don't think I will ever purchase a Wagjag thing again.. You totally get what you pay for in most cases! Total garbage, I want them to call me for some feedback..  Laila had fun that is all that mattered & well Isabelle pissed the guy off by telling him she knows how to do things as she does this all the time at the Little Gym, I think he happy when she left and went to play... LMAO
Good thing I confirmed with them on the "loot bag" as they said they would provide for 12 kids.. A loot bag to them was considered a "Sticker"... LMAO! They said there would be a "Monkey" there but no monkey showed up! It was a really poor production I tell you! If I paid full price for that I would have been royally pissed!!

Cake was a huge success, it took a total of 8 hours to do but turned out amazing. Food was great and everyone had a great time. The kids toilet papered themselves, had silly string fights and spray painted their hair with coloured hairspray oh not to mention my Swingset! I think they had more fun with that then Monkeynastics! Backyard looked like frosh week but it got all cleaned up & you would never know there was a bunch of local trash monsters there,  the kids loved it!!  Laila had a great time and slept the next day till 9:30am which was GREAT! So another successful party for the books! Party planning is alot of work and you are completely exhausted when it is all done.. Did I mention that I am exhausted? LOL

Sunday was Father's day which was opened up with the kids sleeping till 9:30, yippy, I was sooo not ready to wake up at the crack of stupid on a Sunday to make breakfast after a wild week.. I got up when they did and started making breakfast, the girls gave daddy his gifts then off to Faery Fest at Riverside with the girls we went! We stopped at a local dollar store to find some wings then off we went as I was not about to pay 30 bucks for wings there. There was $10 Admission which was totally not worth it  travelling carnies!! LMAO Some very strange people there.. Everyone talked so weird & were carrying these little "Fairy Cats" on their shoulders that moved very odd.. We did not last too long as the kids were getting bored as were Tom and I so after they watched a really cheesy play we headed out for some Ice Cream! We finished the day off with a lovely dinner outside in the backyard eating Sushi. So I think the weekend was a good one.

All in all it has been a crazy month of June with lots to do! I feel exhausted and wore out in such a need of a Vacation. So we are planning a Road Trip in July which should be great, we are really looking forward to it.

Endocrine Checkup

Yesterday we had our 1 year followup appointment at Sick Kids Hospital here in Toronto. This appt always makes me really nervous because it is my little girl that is the patient of the Poking and Prodding! So to kick off our day we tried to make it as focused on the little ones as possible to make the experience not so scary for Princess Belle and to have my little June Bug Laila not feel left out as all the attention tends to be focused on Belle at these appointments.

We started the day off with a trip to Casa Loma in the big city and the kids thought that was just fantastic. I think Laila was alittle sad to see no Princess' but I told her that her and Belle were the Princess' in the castle for the day which tickled her Purple (Her favorite Colour).... LOL They explored the secret passages and took the long trex through the tunnels to the stables. It was a good day!  When we got the to the room where the servants slept Tom said to them would you rather be a Boss and sleep in a big room or a servant and sleep in the tiny room? Laila piped up and said I want to be the BOSS! Gotta love her... After a morning of Castle's and Chocolate we made the nervous journey for Belle to Sick Kids. She was very quiet as we pulled into the parking garage, she was not sure what to expect but we tried to calm her nerves as much as we could. We went to grab a bite to eat in the Atrium,  they filled their bellies with healthy choices Grilled Chicken, Salad ands Perogies. The girls made tons of wishes in the Atrium fountains clearing my wallet of all my change, then they asked Daddy for his change but all he had was the "Big Money" as they called it. After the all the wishing was done and bellies full, we headed to our appointment.

As we headed to Clinic 9 we  had to do a pit stop at the gift shop to take a boo at all that treasures. Belle got her heart stuck on yet another stuffy in the Gift Shop window, but we told her that if she did really good, he would be hers for the taking... So off we went, we followed the little foot prints to our clinic and checked in. The girls played and we were about to start crafts with the Staff Volunteer when we got called. Isabelle got weighed and measured, she went up 6 lbs since her last appt and went up a few inches as well.. When the Doctor came to see her, she became alittle nervous with him but he quickly got her warmed up and comfortable which is always helpful. Kids can totally sense when people are not sure about them, but thankfully all her Docs make her feel at ease which is a great thing  He talked to her asked her what she does for fun and activities, what her fave books are as well as movies.. She was super excited about to tell him all about her faves,  but still alittle nervous that he was going to take blood.. She would flip flop between Mommy & Daddy's lap to make things alittle less scary. He was very happy with her growth and said he would rather wait for the GH injections until age 8 or 10. They can be on GH injections for years with no breaks and he does not feel it is necessary at her age, there is still alot of growth potential when she is older.. That is okay with us and I am sure it is with Belle. She seemed to get quite relieved up until he mentioned the "Blood work" needs to be done... She stiffened up & her little heart started to race...  He also let us know that her bone age scan from last year on her hand showed that she was age 5 when she was actually 5 and a half, which tells us that she is really not all that far behind her peers! So the next appt is 1 year from now!

Laila stayed behind with the Staff Volunteer that she began the craft with earlier and was quite happy with that, they were awesome. We took Belle down to the Ambulatory Room to get the blood work done, they are testing her for Celiac, thyroid & some other routine stuff, this is all quite common for TS girls. I am sure that all is fine, but you still have that little bit of worry, but surprisingly I am okay about things at this point! After all she is being taken care of by the best as we promised ourselves we would do for her when it came to her TS.
She was quiet which was totally understandable, we talked to her and reassured her she was okay and we would keep her safe! Mommy and Daddy would never put you in harms way, she knew that and found great comfort in it. She told us, she was in the best place & they know what they are doing. They called her number which was 68 after about a 5 min wait and to our chair we went. She wanted to sit with Mommy which was totally fine with me I love her cuddles, I snuggled her & told her she would be okay Daddy & Mommy would be right here with her, we watched the Fox and the Hound & talked. The lady came in, she teared up alitlte as did I (But hid my face), she put her blankie (Aww, that she has had since birth) in her mouth & bit down, here we go!! I thought for sure I was going to have to pin her down with the help of Tom & 2 nurses & she would be screaming her eyes out as if they were peeling her skin & popping blood vessels in her neck.. (Wouldn't be the first time).... But totally not!! She blew me away, she never ceases to amaze me. She took a quite glance at the needle and the IV taking her blood , thought it was really cool then turned away...
 "All done" the nurse said, she filled up with tears of Joy and Happiness!! I did it Mommy, I did it Daddy. Now we can get my Tiger, we replied yes honey after we get Laila. She was soo proud,  as were Mommy & Daddy, we smothered her with lots of hugs and kiss & praise. The nurse then told her to wait here for a min, she went and got her Snoopy Bandage and a Disney Princess Puzzle, she asked her to sign the Blood work Courage wall. The nurses told Tom and I that it is great to see parents reassure their children during a scary situation with positive reinforcement & praise! We might have looked like silly fools to others as we took pictures of her big accomplishment, but hey they need that! She loves it and it is something that she will always remember & can now look back on.  It is amazing how some parents don't praise or give their children this praise & encouragement. We were actually kind of shocked at how some parents seem so detached from their kids especially during these scary things they can face, believe or not we did see some! It was almost as though it was a inconvenience being there. I am mean it is not enjoyable for any parent to have to be there, but kids sense this stuff so it is important to be strong for them on the outside but be a marsh mellow on the inside. 

After we were all done with the blood work we picked up Laila who was busy doing her crafts in Clinic 9, went to the gift shop to p/u "Loma" which was named after her action packed day. Loma made her super excited.. Isabelle was excited to bring her home to show her where she would be sleeping & said now Loma does not need to be scared sleeping all alone on a shelf, she has me now! TOO FRIGGING CUTE. Laila scored herself a colouring book and pen at the shop which made her super happy.  We then headed out for some yummy dinner after we made our long rush hour trip back. The celebratory dinner out ended our day off just right! The whole ride home we heard how proud she was of herself and how she loved that she made us so proud of her.. We asked Laila what her fave part of the day was and she replied " All of it", that made me smile. Laila was super good today as we did all the stuff we had to for Belle. Then she passed out for her catnap on the way out of the city!  I sometimes feel bad because Laila gets alitlte pushed aside not intentional but it does happen that we are so focused on the appt and stuff. So it was great to have a full day of stuff focused around all.
It brought tears to our eyes to see how grow up Isabelle was, she is such an old soul... Isabelle brightens up our life everyday, she is such an amazing miracle! She teaches us so much day in a day out. It amazes us how someone we just met 6 years ago has brought so much fulfillment & love to our lives, she has taught us how to love unconditional and it is the simplest things that make her so happy.... Hug and Kiss your little ones everyday, give them praise and acceptance. It is so important and will round them out to be such wonderful human beings.. I think we need alot more Isabelle's in this world... xoxo